Guns Up Nation, let’s take a break from the future and focus on the now. Fans are back for the 2021 college football season. After a season of seeing cardboard cutouts and watching games from home, fans need a quick refresher on the many fan poses one might find themselves in during a college football game.
An intro to fan poses: The Kick is Good/Touchdown
Every fan has already performed this most basic of fan poses unless you have just found college football (if that’s the case, welcome!). The emphasis on this move can be simply confirming with Mr. Official on the field or one can go all-in with arms being thrusts up so hard in celebration shoulders come out of socket. Be sure to really point your fingers rigidly to the sky to let those around you know that you are the beacon by which all scoring plays are truly ratified.
Secure the Rock
Many sports fans are familiar with the Rally Cap. As fans, we are born with an immeasurable ability to impact a game, even when we are in the comforts of our own home. But in football specifically, there is a way to access even more unparalleled power. Anyone who has seen Space Jam knows that powers can be transferred via the ball in which the game is played. Proper technique of keeping that ball high and tight when a comeback is needed results in fans physically feel the shifting tides of momentum towards their team.
When the anxious mom gets put on the screen, you can feel the tension of the moment. Hands pressed together firmly, but delicately and resting sternly upon their lips. Combine that with the thousand-yard stare and some very slight rocking side-to-side, moms can reflect all of our collective sports tension in a very simple pose. But this isn’t just limited to the moms out there. Any fan who hasn’t pressed their hands together and called out to a higher power has yet to live in a college football stadium.
This is one of the most basic fan poses. It can be performed sitting or standing. But it’s at that exact moment the other team has ripped your soul out of your chest and processed it through the shredder. Your face is deadpanned. The rest of your body sags down. And instinctually out of your mouth comes a four-letter word that has the sharpness of a samurai sword or the softness of a down comforter but is drawn out and held as the last bit of hope leaves your breath.
The Jason Garret
Anyone can clap. It’s a simple gesture. But if you are going to perfect this one for football season, it requires dedication. Everyone knows THAT person who claps after every play, good or bad like they are sticking up for the family members on Family Feud who just gave a terrible answer. Nobody minds if this is the pose you select as long as your team is winning. Break out “The Garret” when you are losing and risk being sent out to watch the rest of the game on your own as if the tribe instantly voted you off.
Up in the club, you already know. Fans and athletes alike love a good fist pump. Tiger Woods’s signature celebration is the fist pump. The great thing about the fist pump is the versatility. One or two-handed, aggressive, or one single stoic pump and hold, it really is a fantastic movie.
Everyone has seen their dad in this position. As a father of 3, I know I have held this position multiple times. It is always appropriate to hold one of the more famous fan poses. Flag on the play but not sure who it’s on? Dad pose. Players celebrate with a dance unbeknownst to the fans? Dad pose. One second left, tie game, and the kicker is lining up to kick a game-winning field goal? Dad pose. The team is getting beat by 50? Dad pose.
What/Come at me Bro
This one became famous in the fandom world thanks to a photo captured between Alabama and Tennessee. But this move has been around since ancient times. Two arms outstretched at approximately a 45-degree angle can either signal utter confusion or welcoming a challenge by an opposing player, fan, or even referee.
Can we all agree that a player giving Horns Down being a taunting penalty is about as weak as it gets? As a result of this change in the no-fun department, Horns Down has grown in popularity. Get those index fingers and pinkies to attention and then snap that wrist down like your breaking off a curveball and you can also perfect this move. One day it might even overtake the classical thumbs down. Texas is back you say? Horns down. Got fired from work? Horns down. SEC is overrated? HORNS DOWN. Don’t ask me to explain why it works for all of those situations, it just does. It’s like when my kids ask me for the 696,234,178,333,964th time “Why do I have to go to bed but you get to stay up?” Because you have to; the end.
The most infamous of the fan poses: Surrender Cobra
This last position is one that doesn’t require any explanation. Any college football fan who has been a fan of any team for longer than one game has naturally found themselves in this position. Even Alabama fans during this Saban Era have found themselves in Surrender Cobra (remember the Kick Six?). This is another pose that just comes naturally with being a college football fan; it is inevitable. Don’t worry about having to practice this one. This is like riding a bike. Just get back into a stadium near you and the Cobra will find you.